When you fail forward and make the most of your learning experience, you are closer to the goal because of your forward fall.
It was 10 pm Friday night and my 16 year-old son JUST got his driver’s license the day before. It’d be his first weekend with keys, a license and a truck…and he had to leave for an all-day wrestling match out of town the next day on a bus full of guys.
He was to be at the high school at 5:45 am. Worse than having to get up at 5 am on a Saturday as a teenager, was that he was weighing in at .8 pounds OVER the weight category the team/coach needed him to wrestle in (the one he started in this Fall).
He had a growth spurt over the month, so despite working out with his team in the early mornings over the holiday break, he was gaining weight into the next wrestler’s weight-category (where the team wasn’t going to need him).
Growth at that age is a good thing, right?
In anticipation of the Saturday meet out of town, he’d eaten very little food and very little fluid (stressing his dietitian-mama out!). He knew he wouldn’t get to wrestle at the day-long tournament if at the moment they weigh-in he wasn’t down that 3/4-ish of a pound.
He doubted he could “sleep off” enough weight overnight. He was mentally and physically tired from a long school day followed by a long practice, and was tempted to give up. (Don’t we all want to give up around 10 pm?)
He was brainstorming out loud in his hopeless distress, knowing he would be frowned upon by the teammates and the coach (to say it nicely) if he showed up without making weight:
Maybe don’t set the alarm for 5 AM and just oversleep?
Maybe quit like many on the team already had? (This is GRUELING stuff, y’all!)
Maybe consider self-induced vomiting or laxatives like he’s heard wrestlers sometimes do.
Mom and Dad: “Reality can be harsh sometimes, buddy…
Those are not options of integrity, as you know. Just do the next right thing. For tonight, that’s pack your bag and set your 5 AM alarm.” We prayed that he would “sleep off” that pound and rest well, ready to fight strong the next day.
I was abruptly awakened with him standing by my bedside around 5 am. “MOM! I’m still OVER! It will be horrible all.day.long.”
I felt sick to my stomach. Helpless mommy-moment.
He was already low on hydration so it wouldn’t likely change even if he tried to sweat it off as they sometimes do; and there wasn’t much time for that for this meet. The 3 of us prayed together again, this time that his coach and team would be gracious if he didn’t make weight, that his team would fight strong with or without him, and that he could manage the disappointment with grace, knowing he did his best.
He got in his truck and left with a frown.
We got the other kids up and got ready to head to the Saturday meet out of town. While on the road, we got a text: “I didn’t make it. I weighed in about a half-pound over.”
It was a long, tough day for my boy. All those grueling, early-morning practices over the holiday break, and…it was a no.
Failure hurts. And gosh, I’d venture to say it hurt me and my husband as much as it did our son.
When you think of those downers, how do you frame them? So much of whether we grow from failure or not depends on our perception. One person may view a failure as a challenge, while another may give up on their first blooper…and miss the chance to get around the learning curve.
Since flops in life are inevitable, we might as well refuse to let them suck our energy, steal our joy or keep us from getting back up and crossing the finish line. What’s done is done…now to make the most of one of life’s most powerful tools for learning: failure!
Fouling out is progress — it means you’re on the team and making effort (not sitting on the sidelines just observing).
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
-Michael Jordan
The point of failure is often where the growth happens. In fact, it’s a principle of life: a seed has to die to allow a plant to grow, an egg has to be broken to bring new life forth, muscles don’t grow unless there are small tears that require repair, “rock bottom” means there’s nowhere to go but up, baby teeth fall out and lose their life-supply in order for a stronger tooth to come in, and my personal favorite, Jesus’s death on the cross made a way for eternal life.
Failure can certainly be painful, but productive pain brings productive change. Perhaps failure is what was needed to slow down and re-evaluate because it’s time to pivot and change course.
“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”
–Henry Ford
I was once bent on perfection until I learned that perfectionism either locks you into a static trap, tempts you to cheat or make unwise choices, or leaves you disappointed. As a recovering perfectionist :), I am now passionate about PROGRESS and strategic growth instead. Progress is an accumulation of imperfect actions and life lessons.
That ongoing accumulation of both progress, and the wisdom gained along the way, makes a significant difference in YOU and ME, much like tiny, dull grains of sand come together to make a beautiful beach.
Our son has another wrestling match tomorrow out of state. Honestly, he’s still unsure as to whether he’s going to be able to “make weight” and whether making steep food-cutting choices so he can fight this weekend will be worth it….knowing he may teeter over the category line either way. (And if he makes it, would he even have enough strength to fight strong after “cutting weight?”)
I’ll tell you what, this sport is a DOOZY for this dietitian-mama. Regardless of how this first year of wrestling turns out on the high school scoreboard, we will learn and grow.
I agree with Teddy Roosevelt that the following is true. Do you?
“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
When it comes to physical wellness and fitness, over these past few weeks of the New Year, many people have taken the court, willing to foul out if it means they’re in the game making progress (or in the gym :). Others have been burned from previous attempts to get fit or lose weight that didn’t pan out, or only worked for a short time.
Did you know that this Sunday is officially “Quitter’s Day?”
There is actually research that reviews activities logged by over 800 million users in 2019. Based on this data, it’s predicted that this coming Sunday is the day that people are most likely to give up on the goal(s) they started the New Year with; hence, “Quitter’s Day.”
Not me and you my friend: we may pause, re-evaluate and pivot if needed, but today, and the next day and the next, we are simply going to do the next right thing to take care of our bodies — inside and out! #progressnotperfection
If you’d like my help, today is the day…let’s firm up a plan before “Quitter’s Day!” Click to learn how I can guide you to your healthy, happy #newnormal from wherever you are with my RESOLVE Facebook community. Confident and energetic will be your 2020 buzzwords! Woohoo!
I'm in! 🎉
