My daughter Elita is almost 8. She is as oppositional in nature as she is beautiful: both come naturally for her. This we learned immediately upon adopting her from China as a toddler.
Elita loves to test me. She said for weeks that she wanted to be a “poop emoji” for Halloween. She chose this because she knew I wouldn’t approve, and the girl loves a battle. So, I decided in the big scheme of life’s important values, the costume wasn’t a deal-breaker. I employed a little “I’m smarter than you” psychology and got her the costume, which she then of course decided she did NOT want! Too late, little lady!
Do you believe “what’s forbidden is more fun?” Do you agree with Marc Twain when he says, “To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make yourself want to go and do that very thing”?
“How does all this apply to the candy I’m loaded down with,” you ask?
If sugar is so “bad” for you, why does it taste so good? Why is managing it the most challenging health habit among almost all of the 80 wellness professionals I have interviewed? Why are pharmacological drugs for remedying sugar addiction being considered? Food is so much more than food.
Everyone has a “history” that defines where their decisions and values regarding food come from, especially when it relates to indulgent options like sweets. Sugar, and how it’s processed, has a “history” of it’s own.
Back to Elita: I taught her a lesson, but she’s taught me quite a few as well. Walking through life daily with one who was not fed consistently for her first year and a half of life has further educated me about food insecurity and balanced boundaries over the past 6 ½ years. So have my many clients with disordered eating. Not to mention reflecting on my personal relationship with food, considering that as a dietitian, it’s my job to “think about food all the time” and has been for more than 2 decades.
There are certainly many reasons to set boundaries when it comes to sweets, right? Sweets can “spoil your supper,” ruin your teeth, fill you with dye and sugar and the poor behaviors that often follow, cause roller-coaster blood sugars – often leading to a crash, they can control you with their addictive properties, and don’t forget the build-up of dangerous deep belly fat tissue and all the chronic disease risks that increase with excess sugar intake.
First, we need to consider how “excess” is defined: as with so many things in life, moderation isn’t typically what causes our demise, rather excess is. Second, keep in mind that for many, whether it’s due to personality or our biochemical response, moderation is not conceivable after the first bite.
Here is what I’ve seen in my career (in general):
- Moms who struggle with their weight and/or their tendency to binge may be more restrictive when it comes to their kids.
- Dads that were not restricted as children and have no “issue” with candy, may wonder why other parents are so hard on their kids.
- Moms who didn’t get sugar at home growing up may regularly offer it to their kids as an act of love they never received.
- Parents who have a lot of pride about how “clean” they eat, may have “dirty” health habits that the pride is masking.
As parents, we should ponder carefully what we give potentially disproportionate attention to, keeping in mind that overly rigid controls may backfire on us and our children. (Refer to the lesson of the poop emoji.) Moderation and balance is key: what will that look like for you and your family?
An article in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed that preschoolers who were restricted from high fat, sugary treats turned out to be more responsive to the restricted food: they selected it whenever they could and ate more of it whenever possible.
Other studies show that food restriction may lead to poor eating habits, preoccupation with food (including talking and asking questions about it regularly), and even increased weight. “Dieting” behaviors have also been shown to be predictors of eating disorders.
Hmm…Mark Twain was on to something. Restriction or “tight boundaries” may not actually promote balanced, moderate food consumption, but rather heighten desire and instill unhealthy preoccupation.
You might say, wait a minute, aren’t you the author that suggests a 5 gram added sugar maximum per day at the start of your Best Body Countdown? Indeed. That’s because it gives the adults I’m working with the opportunity for a personal assessment as to the degree of control sugar has over them, so they can reintroduce it with foresight and balance, knowing the true power it has both over their brain chemistry and over their value system.
I’ll share with you my take as one who has come a long way in my relationship with my many “sweet teeth,” as a mom of 3, and as dietitian. God gave us tastebuds on purpose, and wisdom to employ them, too. Enjoying food, including sweets, is part of overall wellness. Teaching children to choose what they truly enjoy for strategic splurges and savor it slowly takes intentional conversation and modeling.
I’ve learned it’s better to eat a pre-meditated favorite treat with no shame, than mindlessly gobble up every morsel of whatever sweet is in sight and go to bed sorry (learned from experience after initial self-imposed restriction).
For my family, I aim to intentionally provide sweet options with reasonable boundaries, instead of restricting to the point of obsession over what’s forbidden. My advice: most of the time, strategically choose treats with some redeeming nutritional qualities, and make or purchase them in a decisive volume.
Take some time to dig deep into your own value systems and be honest with yourself and your motives when it comes to where you draw your boundary lines. If you find moderation is not in your vocabulary, perhaps list some foods that may just be too tempting to eat in moderation, and for this season, don’t include those as one of the aforementioned intentional sweet provisions. Overindulgence often begets overindulgence so choose wisely.
On the contrary, if moderation seems like too much, and strategic splurging feels disgraceful, investigate the origin of your restrictive nature and challenge yourself to inch your boundary line in the direction of an overall wellness mentality.
Be a student of your motives and choices so you can be the BEST you…whether you are a parent or not!
