Sometimes common sense is not common practice: read the “said no one ever” story below to see what I mean. Excuse the strategic sarcasm: it helps make my point!
I learned about basic nutrition in elementary school and since learning the right thing to do, I have always made the right choice. Knowledge is power, right? No, I don’t need coaching or accountability (that kind of stuff is only for successful Fortune 500 executives and Olympic athletes). I am a seven-days-a-week solo-superstar, able to act on everything I know is right at all times regardless of real-life circumstances and barriers.
What water? Isn’t water kindof old-fashioned? It’s just too unimpressive for me. I prefer to drag myself around dehydrated, even if I know going without water gets me constipated and sluggish, and makes my metabolism less effective. I’m too cool for plain ole water.
I mean, if I’m dragging, I can always have an energy drink, right? Okay, well MAYBE coffee drinks, sodas, and energy drinks to wind me up and wine to wind me down are why my pants are too tight. I prefer to think it’s lectins and gluten that I need to avoid, though, it’s more more en-vogue to cut back on those (instead of what I REALLY know is the culprit). Maybe when my city adds a special tax to sodas like they did around California and Colorado and Philly, I’ll take the caloric drink threat seriously.
Meal planning!? What? You do realize I am really important and really busy! Who has time for intentional fueling! I much rather spend my time on treatment than prevention, and spend my money on headache treatments and fast food! (I’ll fix this problem later with meds, bigger clothes, vents to my friends, google searches about metabolism boosting, more wine, maybe even surgery, you know….). Honestly it’s easier to skip breakfast and lunch than to plan…even if I’ll make up for it tonight around 10 pm in my kitchen at home. No one will ever know.
Ooohh I know! All my friends are doing a cleanse before bikini time! YAAAS! But, I can’t work out this week if I do one because, um, I’ve got to stay near the potty. I know, I know, fruits and veggies have fiber that would naturally clean out my system daily, but I take vitamins instead. And hey, the stinky gas (from yesterday’s waste that the veggies would have taken “out” for me), and the “are you pregnant again?” belly bump that come with not eating fruits and veggies get people to look my way…so, listen, I’m turning heads!
Sweat is um, no thanks. I heard you can lose weight without exercise so I’m just going to skip it. (Didn’t I tell you I’m busy and important?) I mean, the triple bypass is one of the most popular surgeries ever, and popular is good, right? I just don’t have time for exercise. Besides, it’s easier to make time when you have a good medical reason than when you have a busy life like me.
So yeah, I’ll just do what I do every year. You know, 2 steps forward around January, then 3 steps back…Ooohh, maybe I’ll try Keto…wait, if I do, then it turns out I’ll have to change all that stuff we just talked about that I said I don’t want to change. Well, maybe I won’t even notice all that stuff we just talked about was my problem in the first place because I’ll be all wrapped up in counting up Keto-fat-grams so I can get enough fat in without having to take olive-oil shots (eww). Yeah, that’ll work better than those unimpressive basics I learned in 4th grade…until a new fad comes around anyway.
What do you need to change so that common sense is common practice in your day to day life?
